We always look forward for a better relationship with others; it is indubitable that we want to place something special in the eyes and hearts of people who will positively craft a difference in our lives, difference that we will be proud to share with others and a difference that will speak of our journey as a person.
I always love to draw myself to other people. I love being with people especially with the people I consider FRIEND. They keep me safe and give me the confidence to be what and who I am. But how do you differentiate a FRIEND from an ACQUAINTANCE? When you are so fragile to become closer to these people without consciously realizing that some of them are, but a FAKE.
A dramatic change in my life placed me in various scenarios where I got the likelihood to reckon my criterion and label things slowly as whom is AUTHENTIC from someone just playing around the bush. THESE people are TALENTED and ROLE PLAYERS. They go from every detail of the plot until they reach the climax but will leave you hanging before the story fins.
I’ve been always trying to tweak with different people, as to what is more convenient and delightful for them. I always try hard to protract a balance but these people don’t keep me from reducing. AM I EXPECTING TOO MUCH? Or am I just AMPLIFYING my concept of friendship?
Sustaining friendship is not as easy as filling out a form and instance processing takes place. It takes time, and thus it makes life unpredictable. An ACQUAITANCE from a former STRANGER takes place and starts to evolve in your life, in an instant. They will long for your presence especially when you NEED them, but will get rid of you as soon as they get to suck your last nectar. THEY will INJURE you obscurely and play innocent of the crime; bust your sentiments and make believe that they are above suspicions.
To create, maintain and sustain FRIENDSHIP is a journey. We really get to meet different characters in our lives, some of them are impious, but most of them are versatile actors. But at the end of the day, equipped with consummate dramatic experiences, we CAN and WILL always detect the PHONY from the GIFT, A phony COMPANION and a GIFT called FRIEND.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
dreams and reality of love
I always believe that dreams portals are to our consciousness. The gateway to reveal one’s present, and manifests possibilities, our dream speaks for our self, and they explain our isolated strife, confusions, anxieties, and even fears. They are inevitably the shadow that shades our life black and white, which seldom looks gray.
Two days ago, I dreamt of my muddled up present and past: people who shaped my character and gave me the reasons to be caged. I had a dream of my former girlfriend, who turned out to be the girl treating me as a complete stranger. And the dream mirrored me this way…
My dream started with me performing my job as a radio jock. I was not doing so well that time because my concentration was not firm, I was even surprise to find that the microphone was separated from the console and all the computers were not working. I was totally a mess sheep that time. My boss approached me and said “Robert, relax and think it over! You can do that but at least let go of that pain”. I was shock to hear statement from him considering that I seldom get the chance to talk to him and I never had a chance to chat about personal know-how. And there it was a complete evanescence. I continued my job and tried my best, when I got another message which startlingly popped out on an index card. It says “move on and forget about her”. The word HER startled my mind. These people must be telling me something about my personal recovery and not about my job. My boss then came to the scene again and told me that I am ok but I have to polish something that was not written.
When I was about to leave my working station, my boss beckoned goodbye saying “Good luck Robert, see you tomorrow for your next board work, and you’ll do better”. Contented with his words, I left the place and walked straight home.
While I was walking, I bumped into my very good friend; she stared and smiled at me as if she was so dazzled to see me. She said “I’ll introduce you to a friend, I’m sure you’ll love to see her”. We walked straight, and noticed that I was already wearing my college uniform. Then everything flashed with a big surprise, the place was familiar, the trees were still blooming in yellow, the house was still unyielding and the person who was shivering was me, and in front was the girl I loved.
It has been almost 2 years since the last time I saw her.
I stupidly stared to my friend as to how and why does she has to introduce me to her again. I was honestly happy and chuckling but I never knew where to start. “This is the time Bert; I got her for you, time to set her free”, my friend said. I was quite disturbed hearing those words, but the look of her seemed to be so happy for me. I secretly stared to my former and she smiled at me. She sat beside me, trying to hold my hands but I refused, and moved away beside her. This time, I confidently looked at her and felt nothing. Minutes of happiness changed into comfort of not being with her, it turned out to be a settlement of uncharged emotion that she held for years, it flashed into me the memories we had but will remain as is, it juggled my mind her sweetness and embrace but it did not do me anything this time. But I have no one to blame.
I wanted to jump for joy for but I remained composed. I hurriedly went out of the door and saw my good friend opening the gate for me. I said “thank you for introducing me to her AGAIN, you were right, this is something different” she smile and answered back “you are now free Bert.”
Then I woke up and realized.
Sometimes in life, we demand so much from people to heal our own hearts, we become bitter of the past and never get tired to punish ourselves from thinking hard and forcing to be loved, and most of the time, we choose to get hurt, and choose to be alienated by our own self. This is what I’ve learned from patiently waiting for my heart to be healed. Forgiveness takes time though the memory of pain remains. But why negative impulse strikes harder when you’re memories with them includes much happiness, fulfillment and learning? I believe that genuine loving means people setting aside irrationality and taking time to ponder on the general happiness someone brought us. I honesty had loads of experiences regarding separation and from there I developed separation anxiety, hard to reveal but its true. I had the toughest of being left by the first woman I loved who is my mother but I never stopped loving. We don’t choose the people we love, because they will just come and just happens, but if it is time for them to go and find better niche for personal growth, we have to accept it. If it’s not for us, we have to let them go and let them recover.
Indeed, Love is like taking a synthetic pill to be ecstatic and be in pain at the same time, but the control of our mind should stick into our hearts and should let us do what is right.
Two days ago, I dreamt of my muddled up present and past: people who shaped my character and gave me the reasons to be caged. I had a dream of my former girlfriend, who turned out to be the girl treating me as a complete stranger. And the dream mirrored me this way…
My dream started with me performing my job as a radio jock. I was not doing so well that time because my concentration was not firm, I was even surprise to find that the microphone was separated from the console and all the computers were not working. I was totally a mess sheep that time. My boss approached me and said “Robert, relax and think it over! You can do that but at least let go of that pain”. I was shock to hear statement from him considering that I seldom get the chance to talk to him and I never had a chance to chat about personal know-how. And there it was a complete evanescence. I continued my job and tried my best, when I got another message which startlingly popped out on an index card. It says “move on and forget about her”. The word HER startled my mind. These people must be telling me something about my personal recovery and not about my job. My boss then came to the scene again and told me that I am ok but I have to polish something that was not written.
When I was about to leave my working station, my boss beckoned goodbye saying “Good luck Robert, see you tomorrow for your next board work, and you’ll do better”. Contented with his words, I left the place and walked straight home.
While I was walking, I bumped into my very good friend; she stared and smiled at me as if she was so dazzled to see me. She said “I’ll introduce you to a friend, I’m sure you’ll love to see her”. We walked straight, and noticed that I was already wearing my college uniform. Then everything flashed with a big surprise, the place was familiar, the trees were still blooming in yellow, the house was still unyielding and the person who was shivering was me, and in front was the girl I loved.
It has been almost 2 years since the last time I saw her.
I stupidly stared to my friend as to how and why does she has to introduce me to her again. I was honestly happy and chuckling but I never knew where to start. “This is the time Bert; I got her for you, time to set her free”, my friend said. I was quite disturbed hearing those words, but the look of her seemed to be so happy for me. I secretly stared to my former and she smiled at me. She sat beside me, trying to hold my hands but I refused, and moved away beside her. This time, I confidently looked at her and felt nothing. Minutes of happiness changed into comfort of not being with her, it turned out to be a settlement of uncharged emotion that she held for years, it flashed into me the memories we had but will remain as is, it juggled my mind her sweetness and embrace but it did not do me anything this time. But I have no one to blame.
I wanted to jump for joy for but I remained composed. I hurriedly went out of the door and saw my good friend opening the gate for me. I said “thank you for introducing me to her AGAIN, you were right, this is something different” she smile and answered back “you are now free Bert.”
Then I woke up and realized.
Sometimes in life, we demand so much from people to heal our own hearts, we become bitter of the past and never get tired to punish ourselves from thinking hard and forcing to be loved, and most of the time, we choose to get hurt, and choose to be alienated by our own self. This is what I’ve learned from patiently waiting for my heart to be healed. Forgiveness takes time though the memory of pain remains. But why negative impulse strikes harder when you’re memories with them includes much happiness, fulfillment and learning? I believe that genuine loving means people setting aside irrationality and taking time to ponder on the general happiness someone brought us. I honesty had loads of experiences regarding separation and from there I developed separation anxiety, hard to reveal but its true. I had the toughest of being left by the first woman I loved who is my mother but I never stopped loving. We don’t choose the people we love, because they will just come and just happens, but if it is time for them to go and find better niche for personal growth, we have to accept it. If it’s not for us, we have to let them go and let them recover.
Indeed, Love is like taking a synthetic pill to be ecstatic and be in pain at the same time, but the control of our mind should stick into our hearts and should let us do what is right.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
insight
Try to accept things the way they are right now even if they're not exactly how you want them to be. Keep in mind that things will never be perfect. So the sooner you can learn how to be more flexible, the better! Being uncomfortable, either emotionally or physically, isn't necessarily a bad thing, anyway. There is a lot of opportunity for growth when you are struggling to make things better. If everything was easy, then attaining things wouldn't be very rewarding.
insatiable
Let me start with a smile.
I smile again and get tired.
I ponder on how to react but I never secure an answer.
then i realize.
I always take chances, but I always resort to alibis.
Let me continue with a nod.
I nod again and face the world blankly.
I inquisitively observe my surroundings, but i never find a place.
then i realize.
I always search for the best, but I always end up guessing.
Let me end this with courage.
I smile and nod again.
Realizing that I should never get tired and face the world blankly.
I should observe and ponder more to secure an answer.
I should search for chances 'cause these will hep me answer the mystery.
and finally I realize.
Life is really insatiable.
I never get contented. We never...
But once we find reasons for what's happening today.
We can start,continue and end a journey
PACKED WITH ENTIRETY
I smile again and get tired.
I ponder on how to react but I never secure an answer.
then i realize.
I always take chances, but I always resort to alibis.
Let me continue with a nod.
I nod again and face the world blankly.
I inquisitively observe my surroundings, but i never find a place.
then i realize.
I always search for the best, but I always end up guessing.
Let me end this with courage.
I smile and nod again.
Realizing that I should never get tired and face the world blankly.
I should observe and ponder more to secure an answer.
I should search for chances 'cause these will hep me answer the mystery.
and finally I realize.
Life is really insatiable.
I never get contented. We never...
But once we find reasons for what's happening today.
We can start,continue and end a journey
PACKED WITH ENTIRETY
my eyesty
It has been 2 days and 15 hours since I got this mysterious sty in my right eye. And seriously, this made me stuck in my room without boggling anything but a hot compressor. Well then, this made me not attend my classes for two days, which would simply result to being penniless for the upcoming weeks. This is also the reason why I had a temporary shortchange of self-esteem and self-concept (shallow though), but it’s true. Sometimes, we get easily attached with the most convenient façade of our lives forgetting that even the smallest trick can make our lives drastically tragic.
Anyway, my sty is starting to shrink. I pulled few lashes as advised by my friends to avoid enlargement (freaky!), I don’t know if it’s really true but I still did it. My eyes are kind of getting numb for the past few hours, and I’m still wondering how and where in earth I got this. I’m scared to browse the net about this cause I might be more anxious to know some bits about this so I’m just keeping my fingers cross that I’ll get this out of my eyes as soon as tomorrow so I can go back to my normal system.
Anyway, my sty is starting to shrink. I pulled few lashes as advised by my friends to avoid enlargement (freaky!), I don’t know if it’s really true but I still did it. My eyes are kind of getting numb for the past few hours, and I’m still wondering how and where in earth I got this. I’m scared to browse the net about this cause I might be more anxious to know some bits about this so I’m just keeping my fingers cross that I’ll get this out of my eyes as soon as tomorrow so I can go back to my normal system.
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